Technically, yes. Men can get alimony in all U.S. states. The Fourteenth Amendment gives everyone, men and women, the same legal financial rights. That includes the right to get alimony.
But, it’s not that simple. For many years, family courts unabashedly favored women. For example, between the 1880s and 1950s, courts almost always gave mothers full legal and physical custody of their children, usually with no questions asked. Some gender bias still exists. Other issues, which we’ll explore below, also affect this question.
Can a Woman Pay Alimony to a Man?
Spousal support is based on the income discrepancy between the spouses, not on spousal gender.
On average, women earn about 20 percent less than men. This figure is very controversial, but for the purposes of this article, that’s the one we’ll use.
As a result, men are usually more financially well-off than women. Men also have a greater future earning ability than women. These factors point to alimony for women.
However, exceptions abound. Fifty years ago, stay-at-home dads were practically nonexistent. The percentage is still very low, but it’s much higher than it was in the 1970s. When these couples divorce, the man can obtain alimony, at least in many cases.
That’s assuming Husband is a legal obligee (he has an economic need) and Wife is a legal obligor (she has the ability to pay). Husband’s economic need cannot be related to the children (e.g. I must buy a larger house to accommodate the children). Child support is designed to meet these needs. More on that below.
Sometimes, a woman pays short-term alimony to help the man become economically self-sufficient. For example, people who have dropped out of the workforce often must take lower-paying jobs, at least initially, to prove their worth.
In other cases, long-term alimony is available to equalize the standard of living. In most states, divorce cannot unfairly financially burden either party.
Are You Likely To Qualify for Alimony?
We mentioned general qualification above. The requesting party has the burden of proof to establish an economic need and show the other spouse has an appropriate economic ability. Many states add a rule that only that the obligee is only entitled to the absolute minimum amount necessary.
As for the amount and duration of payments, most states allow judges to consider several factors, such as:
- Spouses’ standard of living while married,
- Custody of minor children,
- Length of the marriage,
- Dissipation (waste) of marital assets (usually giving gifts to a paramour),
- Family violence, if any, and
- Intangible contributions to the relationship.
That last bullet point is usually only a factor if one spouse eschewed promising career growth opportunities to stay home with the children.
Some states use child support-like guideline formulas. Child support guideline amounts are usually based on several factors, such as the income disparity between the parents, the number of children, and the proportion of overnight visits. Spousal support guidelines are usually based on two factors, length of the marriage and income disparity.
Why Don’t More Men Receive Alimony?
We mentioned lingering gender bias in the law above. If a man asks for alimony, the judge usually puts the man’s financial situation, as well as his work efforts, under a microscope. When a woman asks for alimony, most judges use magnifying glasses.
This point brings up another reason many men don’t get alimony. They don’t make it past step one. They don’t establish an economic need (as opposed to an economic want) and/or they don’t prove the soon-to-be-ex-wife has the ability to pay.
The final reason is quite simple. Many men simply don’t ask for alimony. Some believe the spousal support fight is a lost cause, because of the aforementioned gender bias and qualification issues.
Other times, they don’t ask for emotional reasons. Many men are uncomfortable if a woman pays for dinner on a date. To these men, asking for spousal support is simply out of the question, even if they have a dire economic need.
This emotional reason is often related to guilt over the breakup of the marriage. Many men believe they must play the ball where it lies, even if they can legally pick up the golf ball and move it to a more favorable location.
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